Alaskan Wild Caught Salmon

I did a pure vegetarian diet from May 5th through my birthday, May 23rd, when I treated myself to a 6 oz. piece of Norwegian farm raised salmon. It was good. But eating it, I wondered, what does the bear eat? This is not the salmon a wild thing would munch on. I want bear food! I want my salmon straight from the river! I could see the bear, laughing at me, eating his delicious river salmon. So I stormed back into the grocery store the next day complaining about how farm raised salmon is fed corn and I demanded there should be the freshest of fresh bear food present at all groceries! And when I calmed down the kind fishmonger smiled and pointed and sure enough there it was. Alaskan wild caught salmon, the sign read, we scare the bears away so you don’t have to. So I bought some, nine dollars for eight ounces, nine dollars: I’m going to get you bears, I thought to myself. But I gotta say, it was good. Real good. And I smiled as I ate at my dining room table, surrounded by trees with the sound of the river. Fuck you bears. I won.